For parents of minor children, choosing a guardian may be one of the most difficult and emotional decisions involved in estate planning. It requires parents to come face-to-face with an unimaginable circumstance — the possibility that someone else may need to raise their children — while also taking an honest look at the people in their innermost circle and determining who would be best equipped to step into that role.
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, there are several things to consider that can help make the decision a bit easier.
Guardian or Trustee? Understanding the Difference
Before designating a guardian, it’s important that parents understand the difference between a guardian and a trustee. The role of a guardian is primarily a custodial and caregiving role. A guardian provides a home for the child and makes important decisions regarding the child’s day-to-day care, education, medical needs, and upbringing. The management of a child’s inheritance is a separate responsibility.
For parents who have established a living trust, the trust can provide for the management of assets inherited by minor children through a designated trustee. This distinction can be particularly helpful when choosing a guardian as some parents intentionally separate the caregiving and financial responsibilities. You may have complete confidence that someone would provide a loving and stable home for your children while recognizing that another person may be better suited to managing your financial assets.
Overall, there is no universal right answer. The decision should be made with the utmost care and consideration, and reflect not only your family’s circumstances but also your confidence in each person’s ability to handle the responsibilities involved.
Think Carefully About Co-Guardians
Parents sometimes assume that naming two people as co-guardians is the best route, particularly when they are considering a married couple. However, naming two people who live in separate households as co-guardians can create a slew of logistical and legal complications. Raising a child requires countless day-to-day decisions, and coordinating those decisions between separate households can make decision making quite difficult.
If you are considering naming a married couple, it is also worth asking whether you would want both individuals to serve as guardians independently. For example, if your sister is your first choice, you might naturally assume you should also name her husband. However, you should consider whether you would also want him to raise your children if your sister were unable to serve.
The important question is not simply whether two people would make a good team, but whether you would trust each person independently with the responsibility of raising your children.
Give Yourself More Than One Option
Choosing a guardian does not have to mean identifying only one person. Parents can name alternate guardians to provide a succession of options if their first choice is unable or unwilling to serve. This can be particularly helpful when several family members or close friends would be suitable choices. Rather than feeling pressured to identify the single “right” person, you can name a first choice and provide additional alternatives.
Backup guardians also recognize that circumstances change. Someone who is a good choice today may move, experience changes in their own family, or otherwise become unable to serve in the future.
Do You Need to Tell Your Family?
Family dynamics can make the guardian decision even more difficult. Parents may worry that relatives will feel hurt or offended if someone else is chosen. Fortunately, you do not need to make your guardianship decision a family-wide announcement.
A Will generally contains a nomination of the person you would prefer to serve as guardian. The probate court ultimately makes the appointment when the time comes. The person you nominate does not necessarily need to formally agree to serve in advance.
That said, many parents choose to discuss their plans with their proposed guardian beforehand. This gives everyone an opportunity to understand your wishes and make sure the person is willing to take on the responsibility.
Focus on the Family You Have Today
Parents often hesitate to choose a guardian because they are trying to predict what their family and relationships will look like years from now. But your estate plan is not permanent; rather, it is a living document. As your family and circumstances change, you can revisit your guardianship nominations and update your Will.
Rather than trying to predict every possible future scenario, focus on the relationships and circumstances you know today.
The Most Important Question: Who Would Raise Your Children the Way You Would?
Ultimately, choosing a guardian is deeply personal. There is no formula that can determine the perfect choice for every family.
Consider who would provide your children with a loving, stable, and supportive home. Think about who shares your values, understands your children and their needs, and would make important decisions on their behalf in a way that reflects your wishes.
Most importantly, remember that naming a guardian is not a prediction about the future. It is a way to make your wishes known and provide your children with protection and stability if the unexpected happens.
As your family grows and circumstances change, your estate plan can — and should — change with it.